Return of the riding post?

I had a GOOD lesson this week! Was on trigger, a palomino pony. I was on charlotte last week. He was pretty good, quiet, got him tacked up ( a little slow) and then got on, he was good, did what i asked, he hated corners at first, and i had to push him through them. He required a bit of the crop, but other than that was ok. Laura made us practice rising trot without stirrups about half the lesson!! my legs are gonna hurt tmr, haven't done it for w hile ( who am I kidding? years!)

Then we did some jumping agian, I admit i was around i was gonna screw up my position and wouldn[t get a good flow over the jump. However, jumping trigger was amazing! I kinda of had to adopt a lighter-hunt seat on his back and that kinda made it easier to go over the jump. His jump felt amazing, much bettet than charlotte's awkward jump. Nothing wrong with charlotte, just trigger felt easier. We practices turns and rollbacks

Half of my Heart won't do

I am not going to blame myself for being blind and unable to see the mistake. Oh maybe I should have known and seen it coming, should have watched for the signs but I didn't. Or I didn't know they were there. Maybe I was blind to it, did not want to see it. Maybe I had been in a situation where that first relationship was all I had ever known of love and warped as it was anything slightly better than that was fine. That relationship was the worst anyone could have treated me... no one could hurt me to that effect, I had learned my lesson! I had learned to spot the signs!

Maybe not

Ive recently come to learn that perhaps, although it wasn't to that extent, it was still wrong and for some reason I didn't see it as that. Cos it wasn't J hurting me. I wasn't in that situation anymore and nothing like that was going to happen to me ever again. I don't ever ever want it to happen again, but Im not going to blame myself if it did ( although not to the same extent)
Not that X relationship was at all bad..... I loved being in it and of course don't regret any of it.

but it did come to an end for a reason... probably a lot of it my fault but then again it takes two to tango. I was unhappy for a while but didn't say anything about it and just went along with it. Until the point where I couldn't take it anymore, I could no longer put up with being made to feel dumb and being told what to do. Maybe you didn;t mean to make me feel that way but oh you did. Please don't be sorry if you did, I don't hold it against you anymore. Im just happy to be where I am now.
I did what I did and I don't regret what i did, Im so sorry if it hurt you that it did and I never meant to hurt you. But doing it opened my eyes to what was lacking and how unhappy I was.
Its all the little things that mattered.... the way I told you to stop doing things and you didn't. Those little things you do add up and know that I see it, those actions were wrong but I simply went along with it cos I knew it pleased you and I didn't want to fight you. I didn't think anything was wrong.

11:56 AM ·