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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Endst
Yep... just 1 1/2 hrs left of 2008..... the end of my 19th year
I feel old... i'll be and adult by next yr, 20! Anyway.. i still remember how i spent new year's last yr.. WHAT a difference a year makes. I still remember wondering if one year from that time i would still be him, and i'm not. It is a good thing, one of the best things i did for myself and another thing that made a major impact on me. I learned a lot from it, maybe too much and came out it battlescarred but at least i have really really really moved on. That period is over, and i cannot believe how close i got to him... to me know he is nothing to me, how i could have loved that stranger, i don't know. I even think now... he hasn't contacted me once... which is a good thing. I mean, did he really love me? if he loved me maybe he would have tried to find me again, after all we've been broken up for six months now but he never did. Not that i would want him to ANYWAY. GOD NO . It's jus the part of me that wants to now that at least there was some magic when we were together, at least felt mutually. 2008....... was good and bad to me. I liked 2007 better in some ways, but in 2008 i guess i learned more lessons. Started University, which was FREAKING AMAZING. Another totally life-altering experience. Broke up with the stupid boy, learnt that i could acheive things i never thought i could... I hope 2009 would be a good year, that i will do WELL in school, get better grades, improve in the sports i am involved in, and ok i'll be corny maybe find someone again. Hey, i always hope.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
You gave me a fucking orange teapot? like wtf?
LAST POST before i go back
Ok i should be revising german.. but im not Everyone on my floor is all gone.. save the german students and international student(s) it is SAD, me and caitlin have been reduced to become scavangers since the caf has been closed ( you're just a NUMBER people a NUMBER) eating whatever food remains we find our rooms. Oh well, im just holding out... cos it is ONLY LESS THAN 48 hrs TILL I GET TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!! YAY it's not like i hate this place, quite the opposite... Oh and HE gave me an orange teapot for x'mas.. an orange teapot?? i don't even use teapot! GET ME SOMETHING HORSEY AND THEN I KNOW YOU KNOW ME no wait... it don t take an idiot it find that out! gawd people
Friday, December 12, 2008
Again and again
Once again......
WHy do i always end up with idiots? i never asked for perfection, just the feeling like a could be in a relationship. I was in for all the right reasons, i don't want to hate at all, i don't want to put you in a box and get angry. But the more i think, the more aggravated i get. Here i am, in it for all the right reasons and ready to try to love again. But then, i just get trambled on again, thank god i didn't put myself totally into it. I don't know why i didn't...... probably because i'm still scared from the last fool. Scared of being hurt again, being lied to and mistreated again. All in vain, what you did... i should have never ventured in, but i did. Thinking it would be ok, but i guess not. I thought you were ready, i was , but you weren't. I gues syou're just to ignorant to see it, just too mentally wrapped. Me, just fucking begging for you to at least pay some goddamned attention to me. To just talk to me, tell me what is going on in your head, but no. You say nothing to me at all, what am i supposed to feel? you ignore me and i'm your so-called girlfriend. WHat the hell? what the hell am i to you?? if i had invested more feeling into it i would have been a real wreck. But thankfully i didn't. YEs thank you stupid boys, look what you've done to me. My next romantic adventure turns out to be a freaking disaster. Just when i thought i could make a fresh start, a new beginning, it just turns out horribly. It had the potential to be great! i liked you so much! i wanted to be with you.... but you didn't. WHY? You disappointed me so much...... You just let it ll fall apart, i was there for you... but you never aknowldeged it or me. You're right, i don't fucking deserve you. I don't understand why you had to do it. Did you forget that i existed? Ignoring me is hurtful, it's as if i;m not alive to you! WHY?? soooo aggravating... and then there is HER. I don't know what wierd connection the two of you had...... whatever it is, i guess i don't have it with you. What is it? whatis special about that girl? what does she have that i don't? Right now, i don't care about you or her. You can do what the hell you want with her. It was so tirring to be possessive over you, i've never been made to feel like i had to be suspicious and wander if she was spending time with you again. Was she ever there for you like i was? i don't know, maybe she was. She broke up with you and you still will always like her. I don't understand why. Right now you can spend as much time as you want with her. I liked you so much a friend, now things have changed. It disappoints me you had to be like that, think how it wcould have been. I was ready and there, you weren't.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
NOO not again!!!
Yes again... i am here,i should be asleep now, cos i have to wake up to go for the econ review session
Remember- YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STUDY ECON AFTER THE 5th of DECEMBER AGAIN i'll try... it's just.... you hate to study at least all the damned assignments are done.... shitty things esp CS which i don't have to kill myself with anymore. Plus i don't need to feel like the plaque everytime i try to call the TA over to help me... i swear he HATED me for a while. I never did anything...... he just did not like me. When bored... never go to go to xiaxue's blog.. it will always remind me why i should never go back to singapore.. and why i came here.... What i should do a) go to sleep b) Study tmr c) Study a lot of econ tmr d Study business ( that bullcrap ) e) Study a lot of Econ tmr f) Get up early to study econ ( b;cos i can't live without it-yeah i'm my roommate) What i have been doing a) Laughing b) Spending too much time on facebook c) Spending too much time on surfthechannel.com d) Spending too much time not studying I can't help it... and STEPHANIE I AM NOT MOTIVATIONALLY CHALLANGED i can;t help it if i am ACADEMICALLY CHALLANGED but i am still here at univeristy... barely I still have 4 years to go... i'm still a baby in 1st yr. Hopeful go on to next yr, yeah you could say i am attmepting to make something my life doing Arts and Business YEah, i go hang out with the SMA ppl and feel like i am in the fricking Acturial Science club. SMA person: What program are you in? me: Arts and business SMA person: WHat? never heard of it, there is such a program? Me ( thinks to self): Well i never heard of acturial science till i GOT HERE BOZO. So before you belittle for being here and studying something other than science or engineering or math.... Then they start talking to some other acturial science person.... about co-op jobs blah blah... why you should or should not work at manulife blah blah... seriously... these ppl talk about earning 4 thousand a month and they;re not even graduates... stephanie... these ppl would make you scare the shit outta you. Frankly i am very happy not being in any other program me ( thinks to self ) : Yup... i'm an artsie at UofW , they question my very existence Ok ppl... SO WHAT if i'm in ARTS i don't care!! so what if i'm not a bloody ECON major! No i'm not planing to major in econ or a mathie or an engineer. Unlike the tens of thousand other ppl at this sch Just leave me alone to my psych or sociology three cheers for being different and slightly out of mainstream!! hip hip hooray ?!?
Monday, December 01, 2008
End of term report
Ok... before you stop with the sentimentality....
It is time for me to do my usual reflection, this time for Univeristy.. ok so i AM procrastinating studying.. i WILL get to it!!! Today was the last day of classes...... There are simply no words to describe this semester.... it has been bloody unfreaking believable. I have pushed beyond my limits.. beenn more stressed than ever and never had more fun or enjoyment doing it whilst at the same time saying how much it sucks. Did that make sense? didn't think so Anyway, this is waaaaaaayyy different from bronte. I met soooo many new amazing amazing people. People who i thought only existed in movies. Living in REV is soo cool, getting to know so many people, making new friends, and finally feel included in things.... so awesome.... living with 50 other people on your floor.. keeping the door open.... i LOVE IT. I am so glad i took PYSCH. I dunno if it too early to say, but i am really considering it for my major, funny the only school that i applied for psych and i actually get into the program and i do enjoy it. I know it's hard work and easy in the least. But.... i am glad i at least have a bit of sense of direction for now, i like pysch a lot. My most enjoyable class of the semester. Econ was ok, i mean i liked the professor, CS was a bore, German, the class was really fun!! , Business was another bore. I've learned sooo much here through my classes, in just 4 short months. Let's hope next semester is just at good!! University has been an amazing, sensational,undescribable experience... THough it was hard, soooo soooo demanding and just flat out ARGHHHHHHHHH i loved it |