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Born in Sg, survived seven years of IJ, escaped to canada for the miraculous rebirth.. likes to say she found self there, But well when can we reach self actualization? now a waterloo student. 110% horse mad, was practically born on the back of a horse ( or rather wishes she was) horses are my favourite thing.

Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

You can keep me out of your mind that's alright.

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Sunday, September 27, 2009
Cowgirl don't cry

Or at lest try not too........

How do i feel right now, like i should have known these things but just didnt want to listen. The last thing i ever want to do is to hurt anyone... and yet i unknowingly end up hurting those closest to me. I hate hurting ppl unless they deserve it.

These people are my family away from home. I know this, they look out and care for me and i am COMPLETELY grateful for that. I thank god that i have found these people who genuinely are interested in my welfare.

I don't want to be faulted on anything anymore. I don't want to be in the wrong i don't want to be the one that is causing problems for people.

Dammit the bottom line is that i just want to be loved and accepted by people. I don't want to the one left out in the cold. But at the same time i am forgiving, i just am too soft and get taken advantage of.

I just feel guilty for hurting others when i didn't even know i was driving someone insane. I honestly hate that feeling. I just don't want to be a screw up anymore, it feels like most of my life i was one. But i need to stop feeling sorry for myself and just fricken move on with it.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thanks for playing! Try again Next time !

I had a crappy first day back, or maybe i should just have been happy about it being eventful.

I agree to meet X for lunch, excitedly thinking " oh good things are going great" when swing goes the pendulum and it's " Im sorry i need to concentrate on my work, Im not ready for a girlfriend" crap flies up. Im not saying I don't believe X needs to take the work seriously, I respect that and i understand it. What i don't understand is why i got fucking played. I didn't do anything... wrong. All i did was be there, sure i loved the attention. Having somone walk me home during orientation week, sometime to hang out with all night. Someone i could talk to, someone i enjoyed being with. Hey it could have been something.... but no. Once classes start.. "BAM, i need to study now, it was fun knowing you GOODBYE " And i just sat at the bus stop and took it, im a nice person all i said was " well if you think you will never be ready for a relationship you never will be" Ok, am really not so stupid as to fall for for it straight away, but still. A little bit of yourself does get a little disappointed.

to self: Fine whatever, his loss not mine

Am i ever that lucky? No. Am i destined to be alone forever? i sure as hell hope not. Seriously, i have not been able to get into a serious committed real relationship for a over a year since the break-up with he-who-shall-not-be-named. Is there something wrong with me? or is there something wrong with them?

Somebody help me
please

disclaimer: If i sound like a stupid love/ relationship obsessed freak i apologise. Merely venting my frustrations.

Friday, September 11, 2009
Roc and the 'loo

Back at Waterloo.....
Ive reverted back to my waterloo/ canadian self

Im fine on my own, things have been BUSY BUSY i have things to do every singe day! ROC takes up so much time... but honestly I am having a blast and it's really enjoyable. Moving first years in, taking them to events... hanging out with the other ROC members... running events.... FUN

AMAZING AMAZING... at least til classes start.
Monte Carlo was funn
It ROCKS to just walk into SLC with a leader tag....... be like OH YEAH OH YEAH Im a leader muahahah