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Born in Sg, survived seven years of IJ, escaped to canada for the miraculous rebirth.. likes to say she found self there, But well when can we reach self actualization? now a waterloo student. 110% horse mad, was practically born on the back of a horse ( or rather wishes she was) horses are my favourite thing.

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You can keep me out of your mind that's alright.

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Thursday, October 21, 2010


DAMMIT

again i should not be here...

I have a midterm in 2 hrs and 45 minutues


I booked up the whoe afternoon to study for it


I wonder if that was really a wise choice given I have 3 other mid terms to worry out


FARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What can i say... i love university


I need to get out more.... i need to start running again or Taking the bus less

Or go for a fitness class

Or go riding


plus i have a pounding headache now


erghhh i want to do something fun... so far the only fun i get is driving lessons

ahahah


I miss horses


btw the above pic is of Laurentia Tan, a paralympic rider from singapore. You won't guess she has a disability would you?
jus looking at that makes me happy


Sunday, October 17, 2010
I am Angry

Outrage

Rape

Anger

Sexual assault

Sadness

Violence

Disappointment

Oppression

Indignant

Gender Inequality

All the things I hold near and dear to my heart, in other words, what really angers me about this world.
I am at heart a d0-gooder. I oppose violence, i am anti-oppression, maybe especially toward my own gender.
I get angry when I hear stories of rape, or assault or abuse. How many of us know women or men around us who have suffered sexual abuse or assault at the hands of others. I am sure we know of at least two people.
I get angry that it still goes on, that girls and women all over the world have to go through this through no fault of their own. Then to have this experience scar them emotionally and physically. It is NOT fair. It is an OUTRAGE. Yes there is the issue of consent and the murkiness around it, but still.... it doesn't mean the hurt didn't go on, it doesn't mean injustice didn't occur.
We need to stop blaming the victim, no one asked for rape or assault. EVER. Is it right to say " boys will be boys and girls just have to be careful" what ever happened to self-control. Why do women have to exist in a world where we live by a rape schedule , we aren't advised to walk home alone at night, wear certain clothes. And the whole double standard when it comes to sex. You know all about that. So before you use the word slut or whore, think about it. What are you implying what are perpetrating.

Violence and abuse in relationships, how is that ever right ?? I was in a sort of an emotionally abusive relationship and I would not subject anyone to that kind of treatment, nor would i say that its really easy to get out of. Violence against women is never right. NOT. Ever. Maybe its cos I did the Vagina Monologues and changed me, but we eed to keep getting the message out, rape, assault or violence perpertrated against anyone is never right, it is unjust, and it just angers me.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Cos Im bored/ stressed/ sona-is-being-an -ass/ i just read steph's blog

YEah

You got the introduction... Ah the subject of ethnicity and singapore and anti-oppression, and political correctedness and white people wanting to be that and me being bitchy/ irritated/ roll my eyes because of that.



First off... Yes I am anti-oppression and very strongly against violence

. In any way shape of formhowever what I am against is the annoying assumption that are put on about me concerning race. I know the intentions are all good and kind and political correct and smiley faces, rainbows and peace signs.

I GEDDIT



I now see the point, Asia doesn't really want to be rescued. I don;t speak for the whole of it.... nor am i degrading the amount of aid from the west that is pouring that. I thoroughly applaud what they are doing.

Or maybe I just don't want to rescued.

DOes not mean I am not proud of my race or who I am. I am a Singaporean, I am ethnically Chinese. My ancestors were from China, but I have no links/ ties to that country at all. China is not the " motherland" I don't think I have one!



Like my name for example. Please don't start going on an endless tirade about how im not honouring my race... PLEASE. There is more to being chinese than speaking it. Just because a white person can speak Mandarin does that make him Chinese ?

On my UW Id it say " hui yi Chan" Fine whatever... it's supposed to be Carolyn Chan Hui Yi. English AND chinese name. I GREW UP in an english speaking home. My father does not speak it, my mum does, my maternal grand parents don't speak it, you know why ? cos it was in an era where singapore was part of malaysia and so on... doesn't make them any less chinese does it? ( btw i am peranakan too which is a great part of my heritege but thats another story)



Someone once said to me, Oh why do you use Carolyn and not your chinese name ? Why did you make up the name Carolyn? did you pick it as your english name you poor ESL kid ? why are you not honouring your CHINESENESS ( ok that esl part was made up)

because Carolyn is my first name DUH!! when i meet ppl i don't say " hui yi" yes it is my name but its not my first name.

IS that not oppression in itself ... the freedom to want to call myself by whatever name i want. Maybe