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Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I'm leeaving on jet plane!
Last post in Singapore.......
Can;t believe in all came to an end SOOO soon!!!!!!!
Oh well, i will be back in december, and will turn 19 in canada. I will miss it here, the dogs, the cats. The family...
my life season 4 starts now... tune in!! Life in canada part II airs soon!!
Season 4 cos Season 1 is primary sch, season 2 secondary, season 3 bronte life.
Good night everyone!
Can;t believe in all came to an end SOOO soon!!!!!!!
Oh well, i will be back in december, and will turn 19 in canada. I will miss it here, the dogs, the cats. The family...
my life season 4 starts now... tune in!! Life in canada part II airs soon!!
Season 4 cos Season 1 is primary sch, season 2 secondary, season 3 bronte life.
Good night everyone!
Monday, August 25, 2008
New begininngs
Hello
Welcome to my new blog... i thought it was time for a change. Since i have had my old one for about over a year. I thought, well nothing is ever permanent right? So, here is my stance on permanence.
Can't believe i am going back soo soon! these 3 mths just fly by soo quickly. I guess i did accomplish quite a lot of things while i was back. Here's a list
a) Learned to FRICKING drive!!!!!!!!
b) Went to an AMAZING outdoor concert
c) Went to Hawaii
d) Bettered my Riding
e) Watched the Beijing olympics with fantastic coverage!!!!
f) Caught up and spent time with friends
So i didn't write a play or get a job or internship. But i guess i will eventually be doing that. I don't regret anything
Welcome to my new blog... i thought it was time for a change. Since i have had my old one for about over a year. I thought, well nothing is ever permanent right? So, here is my stance on permanence.
Can't believe i am going back soo soon! these 3 mths just fly by soo quickly. I guess i did accomplish quite a lot of things while i was back. Here's a list
a) Learned to FRICKING drive!!!!!!!!
b) Went to an AMAZING outdoor concert
c) Went to Hawaii
d) Bettered my Riding
e) Watched the Beijing olympics with fantastic coverage!!!!
f) Caught up and spent time with friends
So i didn't write a play or get a job or internship. But i guess i will eventually be doing that. I don't regret anything
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Wisdom teeth removal
Although i didn't really want to go through with the operation...... Nearly backed out of it but didn;t... I honestly thought for a while that i might die...
But i obviously didn't. It was a very surreal experience... unlike anything i have ever experienced
Being wheeled into the operating theatre on a gurney... i concentrated on staring up at the pale ceiling dotted with holes of various twisting patterns wishing i wasn't there. Then the serene whiteness of the operating theatre and the masked voices around you, the rising tension and anxiety of what is about to happen next. How the hell can i fall asleep here? Before i know it i feel the slight pin prick of the needle and then a mask is placed over my face " laughing gas" i breathe in the sweet slighty chemical air in my mind going " but i;m not asleep yet! but i'm not asleep yet!" then all of a sudden my eyelids get heavy hard to lift and i'm falling falling backwards into an endless spiralling black hole filled with emptiness and darkness . Ok , i;ve never felt this way before, it is very unreal, the voices surrounding me get fainter and fainter and i feel something slipped into my finger... then i'm out of it.
When i come round, i hear the a nurse or someone saying something about the sugery being finished and 10.55am. It basically just feels like when you wake up in the morning and just want to get back to sleep again i. e. groggy. But about 2 hrs later it was back to normal, although i have 2 long strands of gauze in my mouth ( bloodsoaked)
I leave the hospital at about 3pm in the afternoon, perfectly fine.
Not something i would like to repeat.
But i obviously didn't. It was a very surreal experience... unlike anything i have ever experienced
Being wheeled into the operating theatre on a gurney... i concentrated on staring up at the pale ceiling dotted with holes of various twisting patterns wishing i wasn't there. Then the serene whiteness of the operating theatre and the masked voices around you, the rising tension and anxiety of what is about to happen next. How the hell can i fall asleep here? Before i know it i feel the slight pin prick of the needle and then a mask is placed over my face " laughing gas" i breathe in the sweet slighty chemical air in my mind going " but i;m not asleep yet! but i'm not asleep yet!" then all of a sudden my eyelids get heavy hard to lift and i'm falling falling backwards into an endless spiralling black hole filled with emptiness and darkness . Ok , i;ve never felt this way before, it is very unreal, the voices surrounding me get fainter and fainter and i feel something slipped into my finger... then i'm out of it.
When i come round, i hear the a nurse or someone saying something about the sugery being finished and 10.55am. It basically just feels like when you wake up in the morning and just want to get back to sleep again i. e. groggy. But about 2 hrs later it was back to normal, although i have 2 long strands of gauze in my mouth ( bloodsoaked)
I leave the hospital at about 3pm in the afternoon, perfectly fine.
Not something i would like to repeat.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Hello again...... just a few weeks more and i head back to Canada... looking forward to it but at the same time not wanting to go back.....
Anyway, new things!!
Got my wisdom teeth out yesterday ( didn't really want to, but did not really have a choice) Under GA, not an experience i would care to repeat even though you are knocked out for the procedure. Don't much like hospitals.... ( then again does anyone?)
Oh! and i had my first driving lesson last friday!!! soo exciting!!! of course and a little nerve wreacking... yes i could barely believe it myself!! me driving a car !! it was ok, except i have to brake less jerkily and turning is a little scary , still don't really GET steering yet. It was actually a LOT less scary than i thought.
Anyway, new things!!
Got my wisdom teeth out yesterday ( didn't really want to, but did not really have a choice) Under GA, not an experience i would care to repeat even though you are knocked out for the procedure. Don't much like hospitals.... ( then again does anyone?)
Oh! and i had my first driving lesson last friday!!! soo exciting!!! of course and a little nerve wreacking... yes i could barely believe it myself!! me driving a car !! it was ok, except i have to brake less jerkily and turning is a little scary , still don't really GET steering yet. It was actually a LOT less scary than i thought.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
I know it's a cliche but we live in a crazy / too wired world....
Everyone seems so wired and connected to each other, but are we really listening to one another? What ever happened to one-on-one communication? snail mail? I know that while the world gets increasingly globalized it;s shrinking... internet, email makes life so much more convenient and easier.... it's true. We do need the technology to survive, i guess it's part of human evolution. But shoudln't we need people more than technology to survive? Human-to-human interaction is something we all need in this world.... no matter who we are.
People need each other.... being alone works too, but as you find, not all the time. You will find the aching pain of loneliness seize you. You can even be in a room full of people, yet feel more alone than ever. I read a book once, White Oleander by Janet Fitch. One of the characters, the heroine's mother tells her " Lonelinless is the human condition, get used to it" I wonder how true that is.....
Having friends isn't about having massive amts of friends on facebook/ friendster/ myspace. It's about having REAL connections with people and really knowing them, and learning to love and accept each other's flaws. I mean, if we just learned to love our neighbour imagine what a more peaceful society it would be? I know it's hard to accept others so different from us, with different mindsets and values from us. But with God , prayer, love and hope we can. It doesn't have to be something big, just giving up your seat on a bus to someone who needs it more than you, holding a door for someone, helping someone who has dropped someone on the floor.
I'm not a prime example i know.... but i always seem to be the person who is there to make ppl feel better, whenever ppl ask me if they are fat/ ugly/ whatever else i always say no. I dunno, i just dun like it when ppl feel badly about themsleves,they shouldn't have to!!! not everyone can be super confident. I myself am not.... yes truthfully i have self-esteem issues, i sometimes feel inferior next to others, like my siblings .
But i guess, i am not them, i am me. ( which sounds cheesy, but hey i'm a cheesy person at times)
Everyone seems so wired and connected to each other, but are we really listening to one another? What ever happened to one-on-one communication? snail mail? I know that while the world gets increasingly globalized it;s shrinking... internet, email makes life so much more convenient and easier.... it's true. We do need the technology to survive, i guess it's part of human evolution. But shoudln't we need people more than technology to survive? Human-to-human interaction is something we all need in this world.... no matter who we are.
People need each other.... being alone works too, but as you find, not all the time. You will find the aching pain of loneliness seize you. You can even be in a room full of people, yet feel more alone than ever. I read a book once, White Oleander by Janet Fitch. One of the characters, the heroine's mother tells her " Lonelinless is the human condition, get used to it" I wonder how true that is.....
Having friends isn't about having massive amts of friends on facebook/ friendster/ myspace. It's about having REAL connections with people and really knowing them, and learning to love and accept each other's flaws. I mean, if we just learned to love our neighbour imagine what a more peaceful society it would be? I know it's hard to accept others so different from us, with different mindsets and values from us. But with God , prayer, love and hope we can. It doesn't have to be something big, just giving up your seat on a bus to someone who needs it more than you, holding a door for someone, helping someone who has dropped someone on the floor.
I'm not a prime example i know.... but i always seem to be the person who is there to make ppl feel better, whenever ppl ask me if they are fat/ ugly/ whatever else i always say no. I dunno, i just dun like it when ppl feel badly about themsleves,they shouldn't have to!!! not everyone can be super confident. I myself am not.... yes truthfully i have self-esteem issues, i sometimes feel inferior next to others, like my siblings .
But i guess, i am not them, i am me. ( which sounds cheesy, but hey i'm a cheesy person at times)
Friday, August 01, 2008
It ends here and now
No more procrastinating, no more lazing around, no more wasting time, no more whining. Yes that is how i have been these last 3 months here. There were many things i was supposed to do and yet i didnt do any of them.
I have no one to blame but myself. I didn't push myself to do something, i wasted this entire trip back.I slacked off too much, took it too easy, didn't bother to do the things i should have done. In the end, everyone looks at me like i'm a lazy idiot, who can't get off her butt to do squat, so purposeless and aimless, i hate being like that. IT IS HELL. I know i should do something about it..... and yet i don't, you can call it sheer laziness and sloth. I know i shouldn't be like that at all. I'm sorry i'm not like my older sister who has so much iniative to do things and i didn't do them. I feel so guilty for being the way that i am. I've made up my mind, i AM NOT COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE FOR MORE THAN ONE MONTH AT A TIME. It is just too... erghh unless i plan on seriously doing something here, i can't stay anymore....... It's just too horrible to stay here and not do anything at all. It is like hell, honestly there is nothing worse...
It's just unbearable.... And yes i know all my fault. I have so many regrets i don't know where to start at all. I make too many mistakes, i can;t help, and with my family every single mistake i make gets picked on...... i'm sorry i'm not the athlete like my sister, i;m sorry i am not as driven and have as much iniative as my older sister. I just feel like such a fucking failure sometimes, it's not fair.
ok...... must STOP WHINING
Try to make things better, get off my ass and DO THINGS.
I will
a) Take more iniative
b) Not procrastinate
C) IF in doubt, JUST DO IT
d) FOLLOW THROUGH with things
Even if i have a month left, i will try to make the best use of it, try to make better decisions, if i want to do something, even if no-one else wants to do it, just DO IT.
Oh, but i am serious about not coming back to singapore for more than a mth, unless i am going to seriously do something here or HAVE to stay back.
No more procrastinating, no more lazing around, no more wasting time, no more whining. Yes that is how i have been these last 3 months here. There were many things i was supposed to do and yet i didnt do any of them.
I have no one to blame but myself. I didn't push myself to do something, i wasted this entire trip back.I slacked off too much, took it too easy, didn't bother to do the things i should have done. In the end, everyone looks at me like i'm a lazy idiot, who can't get off her butt to do squat, so purposeless and aimless, i hate being like that. IT IS HELL. I know i should do something about it..... and yet i don't, you can call it sheer laziness and sloth. I know i shouldn't be like that at all. I'm sorry i'm not like my older sister who has so much iniative to do things and i didn't do them. I feel so guilty for being the way that i am. I've made up my mind, i AM NOT COMING BACK TO SINGAPORE FOR MORE THAN ONE MONTH AT A TIME. It is just too... erghh unless i plan on seriously doing something here, i can't stay anymore....... It's just too horrible to stay here and not do anything at all. It is like hell, honestly there is nothing worse...
It's just unbearable.... And yes i know all my fault. I have so many regrets i don't know where to start at all. I make too many mistakes, i can;t help, and with my family every single mistake i make gets picked on...... i'm sorry i'm not the athlete like my sister, i;m sorry i am not as driven and have as much iniative as my older sister. I just feel like such a fucking failure sometimes, it's not fair.
ok...... must STOP WHINING
Try to make things better, get off my ass and DO THINGS.
I will
a) Take more iniative
b) Not procrastinate
C) IF in doubt, JUST DO IT
d) FOLLOW THROUGH with things
Even if i have a month left, i will try to make the best use of it, try to make better decisions, if i want to do something, even if no-one else wants to do it, just DO IT.
Oh, but i am serious about not coming back to singapore for more than a mth, unless i am going to seriously do something here or HAVE to stay back.