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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Esther
The wind called her name
" Esther , esther " her black hair swirling
she walks through the forest alone
The moon pale and bright
is her only companion at this hour of the nite
She feels the presence of shadows
and the ruslting of leaves
Each step she takes is heavy
Like her legs are made of steel
But she knows she must keep going
The pain will soon be eased
She is lured to a deep pond
Near the forest clearing
It is dark and shrouded in mystery
The ripples seem ti call her name
She must take the plunge
It is her destiny
She lets herself fall, fall away slowly
into the darkness
say goodbye to misery
And she is gone like night turns to day
Yeah it's dark and sad and suicidal, i am in no way condoning suicide or trying to glamourise it... just a little something that i found, that i wrote back when i was 15 o 16.
The wind called her name
" Esther , esther " her black hair swirling
she walks through the forest alone
The moon pale and bright
is her only companion at this hour of the nite
She feels the presence of shadows
and the ruslting of leaves
Each step she takes is heavy
Like her legs are made of steel
But she knows she must keep going
The pain will soon be eased
She is lured to a deep pond
Near the forest clearing
It is dark and shrouded in mystery
The ripples seem ti call her name
She must take the plunge
It is her destiny
She lets herself fall, fall away slowly
into the darkness
say goodbye to misery
And she is gone like night turns to day
Yeah it's dark and sad and suicidal, i am in no way condoning suicide or trying to glamourise it... just a little something that i found, that i wrote back when i was 15 o 16.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Let's play .....
things i want to do before i die
- Ride in
a) mongolia
b) Do a x-country course in Ireland
- Get a BA ( and hopefully either a masters or law degree after that)
- Watch high school classical dressage in vienna
- Compete in a a three-day event ( equestrian)
- complete a triathlon
- OWn my own horse
- Reach at least elementry level dressage
- Have sex ( obviously)
- Get married
- Write a book ( or publish a short story)
- learn to lunge a horse
-Do some sort of overseas volunteer work ( riding to deliver medical aid in india or something in earthwatch or watching prezalski horse heards in mongolia)
- To have lived a full life and made an impact in people's lifes such that when i lie on my deathbed i'll know that my life has not been for nothing
- Work in the equine industry for at least a few years
Ok... so that;s 13 things
Right
things that annoy me
- Rude people
- People who spread false rumours and gossip and PRETEND to be my friends
- People who don't like animals
- People with no respect for the earth
- Snobby and obnoxious bitches and sons of bitches ( you know very well who you are)
- people who secretly manipulate and make use of others for their own vile purposes
-PEOPLE WHO DON'T SHOW UP FOR DRAMA CLUB WITHOUT A GOOD/ LEGIT EXCUSE !!!!!
- When i get blamed for things i don't even have a clue about or am falsely accused of ( this one really gets me going)
- ppl who litter their cigarette butts around the STOP sign aka bronte smokers corner
- Ppl who litter their coffee cups around the school carpark
- ppl who LITTER around the school grounds
damn.. thats a lot of things, i'm one unhappy person!
- Ride in
a) mongolia
b) Do a x-country course in Ireland
- Get a BA ( and hopefully either a masters or law degree after that)
- Watch high school classical dressage in vienna
- Compete in a a three-day event ( equestrian)
- complete a triathlon
- OWn my own horse
- Reach at least elementry level dressage
- Have sex ( obviously)
- Get married
- Write a book ( or publish a short story)
- learn to lunge a horse
-Do some sort of overseas volunteer work ( riding to deliver medical aid in india or something in earthwatch or watching prezalski horse heards in mongolia)
- To have lived a full life and made an impact in people's lifes such that when i lie on my deathbed i'll know that my life has not been for nothing
- Work in the equine industry for at least a few years
Ok... so that;s 13 things
Right
things that annoy me
- Rude people
- People who spread false rumours and gossip and PRETEND to be my friends
- People who don't like animals
- People with no respect for the earth
- Snobby and obnoxious bitches and sons of bitches ( you know very well who you are)
- people who secretly manipulate and make use of others for their own vile purposes
-PEOPLE WHO DON'T SHOW UP FOR DRAMA CLUB WITHOUT A GOOD/ LEGIT EXCUSE !!!!!
- When i get blamed for things i don't even have a clue about or am falsely accused of ( this one really gets me going)
- ppl who litter their cigarette butts around the STOP sign aka bronte smokers corner
- Ppl who litter their coffee cups around the school carpark
- ppl who LITTER around the school grounds
damn.. thats a lot of things, i'm one unhappy person!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Riding post
The riding academy where i take lessons now ( at least for a mth or so more) is a VERY different kind of stable....... Yes we all know that each and every equestrian centre is different in it's own unique ways here are just some of the unique ways.....
On the ground stuff
a) It's totally INDOOR- tell me how abt stables are totally 100% indoor?
b)There is no turnout arena
c) They have no daily board/ lesson schedule..... you find out which horse your riding only from the office only 15 mins before your lesson.... not the best idea in my opinion
d)it's self groom and tack, no grooms/ syces to do it for you, which is probably why i take so long to do it myself
e) The keeping of the bridles..... they have a very specific way of hanging it up... never been to a stable like that
f) grooming buckets- horses share grooming equiptment.. dunno if it's very hygienic
Under saddle changes
a)Mounting up-Only done under supervision, we're not allowed to on our own
b) Keeping distances- at least three horse length is not enough, it has to be at least 5, so we're all strung out across the arena. Ok... i'm used to keeping just one or two
c) the instructor is persnickety abt knocking her down....... ok, it would be easier for you to get out of the way than for me to.......i don't purposely want to kill you...
On the ground stuff
a) It's totally INDOOR- tell me how abt stables are totally 100% indoor?
b)There is no turnout arena
c) They have no daily board/ lesson schedule..... you find out which horse your riding only from the office only 15 mins before your lesson.... not the best idea in my opinion
d)it's self groom and tack, no grooms/ syces to do it for you, which is probably why i take so long to do it myself
e) The keeping of the bridles..... they have a very specific way of hanging it up... never been to a stable like that
f) grooming buckets- horses share grooming equiptment.. dunno if it's very hygienic
Under saddle changes
a)Mounting up-Only done under supervision, we're not allowed to on our own
b) Keeping distances- at least three horse length is not enough, it has to be at least 5, so we're all strung out across the arena. Ok... i'm used to keeping just one or two
c) the instructor is persnickety abt knocking her down....... ok, it would be easier for you to get out of the way than for me to.......i don't purposely want to kill you...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
We never ask or expect things to happen, we have no control over things we cannot predict even though we try to each and everytime we can't it happens anyway.
I never expected to met someone and fall in love, i never expected it to happen but it did anyway, and for everything that happened i don't regret any of it, even from the beginning, nothing was a mistake at all and i'm not sorry for everything that followed, i love him and thats what matters and it hurts when ppl can't see how happy we are together, yes i know i'm only 18 and at the point according to my parents i shouldn't even be in a serious relationship but i am and i really and truly enjoy being with the person i am with and want to be with him..... isn't that what counts? being with the person you love? everyone deserves to find someone sometime and to quote a line from a jewel song " everybody needs someone sometime" i truly love being the person i am with and don't want to give it up cos, i mean we have come so damn far.......... 8 mths? you call 8 fricking months nothing? since the summer of '07 ? they all weren't for nothing and i've been doing my absolute best with it, i've been trying to be the best gf i can be to hm although, yes i know screw up at times but we love each other and just want to pull through.
Ok, i know this post sounds sappy but it's how i feel......
I never expected to met someone and fall in love, i never expected it to happen but it did anyway, and for everything that happened i don't regret any of it, even from the beginning, nothing was a mistake at all and i'm not sorry for everything that followed, i love him and thats what matters and it hurts when ppl can't see how happy we are together, yes i know i'm only 18 and at the point according to my parents i shouldn't even be in a serious relationship but i am and i really and truly enjoy being with the person i am with and want to be with him..... isn't that what counts? being with the person you love? everyone deserves to find someone sometime and to quote a line from a jewel song " everybody needs someone sometime" i truly love being the person i am with and don't want to give it up cos, i mean we have come so damn far.......... 8 mths? you call 8 fricking months nothing? since the summer of '07 ? they all weren't for nothing and i've been doing my absolute best with it, i've been trying to be the best gf i can be to hm although, yes i know screw up at times but we love each other and just want to pull through.
Ok, i know this post sounds sappy but it's how i feel......
Thursday, April 10, 2008
The One year anniversary post
You guys know i'm bloody nostalgic sometimes and love to remember anniversaries..... This being no exception, today, the 10th of April 2008 marks the one year anniversary of me first starting classes at Bronte. So what if i make a big deal of it, it;s just i didn;t forget the date that i started.
SO DAMN MUCH has happened in the last year, my life has changed in ways unimaginable, and i am utterly grateful for the opportunity to study overseas and that my life has taken this path. Where do i start? i guess i would describe my life here in phases.
First there was the april-june semester, my very first one here. Pretty amazing really, i did 3 courses namely Challange and change in society, math data and english all in about 2 1/2 mths, oh wait cos of the 2 HOUR lessons!!! having 2 hrs of math at 8.15 am every morning.... It seems long ago, actually i guess it is, maybe it;s because of all the people i met and the things that happened. First semester, i first met jackie and peggy, my first friends at bronte. I had to daringly but myself out there and make friends. Then i met ameen, trung, duc, disha, kriya, rodrigo and peter, siew ming, gerald and saiful. All these friends who made my experience a memorable one. Going down to toronto with gerald, peggy and jackie. Then in may, going to wonderland with gaya! that crazy girl is so fricking brave, she dragged me on the roller coasters and YES got me hooked on them. Then there was PROM, boy THAT was fun lol!!!! a prom with guys.... ( at least i did albeit with some regrets) but anyway. Dressing to the nines, i wouldn't forget it, but i;m a bit tired of proms now. All the amazing friendships forged........ ok that sounded lame but who gives a damn i don't. Oh wait !!! then the NEw york trip with gerald and the china ppl, going on BROADfrickingWAY for the first time. I honeslty want to go back again......
HAHAH, i still miss being called bubugee, machu pichu or carolina law AHAHAH.
Oh i remmember shovelling gravel for the courtyard during challange and change class for MR cristello, working up a sweat.
Watching 4 movies in a day!1 for challange and change,1 for english and 2 at the cinema ! ( shrek and pirates i think.......) then getting back to school at 2am !
AHh and summer school, spending the mornings in a fucking refridgerator, wearing 3 layers and knee high socks under school pants when it is over 35 degrees outside and freezing your ass off in dr ahmed's econs class. Oh and babysitting crazy mexican kids for the summercamp , making friends with ben, going to Toronto island for the first time, and suffering through the UNBEARABLELY hot nights where the only way to sleep is to take a cold shower.
Then returning home for a month
Back to Bronte in the fall, hooking up with Josh, and entering phase 2 of my bronte life. Studying biology, law and fam studies. The next 5 mths of my bronte life, a very differenet one, not jus cos of the people the classes became shorter and so did my days and the weather started getting cold. That's when me and rodrigo found out about the Royal winter fair and bought tickets to go, i was fricking over the moon! October came and my 18th b'day which i celebrated by going to hardrock cafe in toronto with gerald, saiful and sara, it was a blast and i visited a sex shop for the first time in my life ( and got a pair of fishnet stockings ) Halloween came around, and gaya lent me her indian punjabi suit and i think i looked pretty good in it, along with a ton of make-up, felt like racial harmony day, just that i never actually wore an indian costume on racial harmony day in singapore at all..... A whole bunch of other ppl wore pajamas to class, the only time of the year that you can wear striped flannel to class. Embrace it..... Then there was the whole freaking out over bio thing, i was going insane and stressing out like crazy, there were moments when i wanted to give up, but thanks to the ppl around me, i didn;t and i'm quite grateful i didn't. Cos even though bio was hell sometimes i'm glad i stuck it out with a 75!!!!
After that was the Royal winter fair, boy that was AMAZINGLY FUCKING AMAZING FUCKING FANTASTICALLY fricking out of mind going mental inside amazingly mindblowing. I got beezie madden's signature...... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and saw Jos lansink and Ian millar warm up their horses...... Ok sorry diverting, should be talking about bronte.....
I did get pissed of at ron though, he irritated me.
Oh and there was drama! all that hard work and dedication to our project paid off, i wrote my first play ( ok co-wrote with gaya) and had acted as a bimbotic bitch who learns her lesson. Me and gaya didn[t think we could do it, but we actually managed to pull it off despite the constant arguments, disagreements and then all the freeking rehersals. We actually did an excellent job and everyone loved us, i couldn't have been more pleased with it ( ok so maybe after i watched myself act i cringed) but hey getting up on stage wasnt as hard as i expected it to be ! i actually had a great time doing my self-written monologue.
Things i will/ now miss
- Hanging out a tim hortons with gaya after school
- Hanging out with gaya, faith and shamala after school/ during 2nd period
- walking to lakeshore ( this is will miss)
- Having a starbucks at 11.45 pm
- ALL THE AMAZING PEOPLE i've met here
- Having dinner in the caf , whining pathetically about the food whic sometimes really isn't that bad
- Watching movies in G-1
- Eating cookies and milk at 9.30pm
-gossiping stupidly about the latest hook-ups/ break-ups
- watching movies with ben near the fishtank ( in which all the couches have been removed for fear of hormonal teenagers copulating or mimicing copulating on the)
- Going out to dinner with ben and todd during the week
-
Things i will not miss
- academics
- PP
- the rules
- curfew
- 11.30pm, or any fire alarm after 1am!!!!! esp if it is -20 degrees outside......
All in all, a fantastic year in which i have had so many enrinching experiences i don't where to end, words can only say so much and i sound fucking lame so i am going stop here, in other words....... one of the best damn fucking years of my 18 ( nearly 19) years.
SO DAMN MUCH has happened in the last year, my life has changed in ways unimaginable, and i am utterly grateful for the opportunity to study overseas and that my life has taken this path. Where do i start? i guess i would describe my life here in phases.
First there was the april-june semester, my very first one here. Pretty amazing really, i did 3 courses namely Challange and change in society, math data and english all in about 2 1/2 mths, oh wait cos of the 2 HOUR lessons!!! having 2 hrs of math at 8.15 am every morning.... It seems long ago, actually i guess it is, maybe it;s because of all the people i met and the things that happened. First semester, i first met jackie and peggy, my first friends at bronte. I had to daringly but myself out there and make friends. Then i met ameen, trung, duc, disha, kriya, rodrigo and peter, siew ming, gerald and saiful. All these friends who made my experience a memorable one. Going down to toronto with gerald, peggy and jackie. Then in may, going to wonderland with gaya! that crazy girl is so fricking brave, she dragged me on the roller coasters and YES got me hooked on them. Then there was PROM, boy THAT was fun lol!!!! a prom with guys.... ( at least i did albeit with some regrets) but anyway. Dressing to the nines, i wouldn't forget it, but i;m a bit tired of proms now. All the amazing friendships forged........ ok that sounded lame but who gives a damn i don't. Oh wait !!! then the NEw york trip with gerald and the china ppl, going on BROADfrickingWAY for the first time. I honeslty want to go back again......
HAHAH, i still miss being called bubugee, machu pichu or carolina law AHAHAH.
Oh i remmember shovelling gravel for the courtyard during challange and change class for MR cristello, working up a sweat.
Watching 4 movies in a day!1 for challange and change,1 for english and 2 at the cinema ! ( shrek and pirates i think.......) then getting back to school at 2am !
AHh and summer school, spending the mornings in a fucking refridgerator, wearing 3 layers and knee high socks under school pants when it is over 35 degrees outside and freezing your ass off in dr ahmed's econs class. Oh and babysitting crazy mexican kids for the summercamp , making friends with ben, going to Toronto island for the first time, and suffering through the UNBEARABLELY hot nights where the only way to sleep is to take a cold shower.
Then returning home for a month
Back to Bronte in the fall, hooking up with Josh, and entering phase 2 of my bronte life. Studying biology, law and fam studies. The next 5 mths of my bronte life, a very differenet one, not jus cos of the people the classes became shorter and so did my days and the weather started getting cold. That's when me and rodrigo found out about the Royal winter fair and bought tickets to go, i was fricking over the moon! October came and my 18th b'day which i celebrated by going to hardrock cafe in toronto with gerald, saiful and sara, it was a blast and i visited a sex shop for the first time in my life ( and got a pair of fishnet stockings ) Halloween came around, and gaya lent me her indian punjabi suit and i think i looked pretty good in it, along with a ton of make-up, felt like racial harmony day, just that i never actually wore an indian costume on racial harmony day in singapore at all..... A whole bunch of other ppl wore pajamas to class, the only time of the year that you can wear striped flannel to class. Embrace it..... Then there was the whole freaking out over bio thing, i was going insane and stressing out like crazy, there were moments when i wanted to give up, but thanks to the ppl around me, i didn;t and i'm quite grateful i didn't. Cos even though bio was hell sometimes i'm glad i stuck it out with a 75!!!!
After that was the Royal winter fair, boy that was AMAZINGLY FUCKING AMAZING FUCKING FANTASTICALLY fricking out of mind going mental inside amazingly mindblowing. I got beezie madden's signature...... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and saw Jos lansink and Ian millar warm up their horses...... Ok sorry diverting, should be talking about bronte.....
I did get pissed of at ron though, he irritated me.
Oh and there was drama! all that hard work and dedication to our project paid off, i wrote my first play ( ok co-wrote with gaya) and had acted as a bimbotic bitch who learns her lesson. Me and gaya didn[t think we could do it, but we actually managed to pull it off despite the constant arguments, disagreements and then all the freeking rehersals. We actually did an excellent job and everyone loved us, i couldn't have been more pleased with it ( ok so maybe after i watched myself act i cringed) but hey getting up on stage wasnt as hard as i expected it to be ! i actually had a great time doing my self-written monologue.
Things i will/ now miss
- Hanging out a tim hortons with gaya after school
- Hanging out with gaya, faith and shamala after school/ during 2nd period
- walking to lakeshore ( this is will miss)
- Having a starbucks at 11.45 pm
- ALL THE AMAZING PEOPLE i've met here
- Having dinner in the caf , whining pathetically about the food whic sometimes really isn't that bad
- Watching movies in G-1
- Eating cookies and milk at 9.30pm
-gossiping stupidly about the latest hook-ups/ break-ups
- watching movies with ben near the fishtank ( in which all the couches have been removed for fear of hormonal teenagers copulating or mimicing copulating on the)
- Going out to dinner with ben and todd during the week
-
Things i will not miss
- academics
- PP
- the rules
- curfew
- 11.30pm, or any fire alarm after 1am!!!!! esp if it is -20 degrees outside......
All in all, a fantastic year in which i have had so many enrinching experiences i don't where to end, words can only say so much and i sound fucking lame so i am going stop here, in other words....... one of the best damn fucking years of my 18 ( nearly 19) years.