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Born in Sg, survived seven years of IJ, escaped to canada for the miraculous rebirth.. likes to say she found self there, But well when can we reach self actualization? now a waterloo student. 110% horse mad, was practically born on the back of a horse ( or rather wishes she was) horses are my favourite thing.

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You can keep me out of your mind that's alright.

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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

You know your walking home happily from class... It's been a ok day... lalaaladi da di da

Then you come home and get yelled at by your totally rad roomies for innocently leaving some coffee grains on the kitchen counter ( you were going to clean it when you returned from class as you were in a rush that morning) And something about chocolate stains on the kitchen floor ( don't ask me HOW it got there?) but either way it is YOUR fault and you have to clean it.
So you go on your hands and knees ala cinderella and clean the floor. How it got there heaven knows! But oh no... you have to clean it.

I try to tell myself not to ruminate.... why i should not ruminate
a) In the grand scheme of things, this is a speck
b) HAven't we already been through this??
c) I should just be like WHATEVER

Can i be honest and truthful here? though this has probably happened a million and one times and you are so tired of hearing this by now but I really dislike the way I am made to feel and the way I am being treated. I feel like a fillipino maid who hasn't done her job and is being scolded by her employer, a school child who has done something wrong, even my parents never really made me feel like that. Not for years.... I feel myself reduced in size everytime, made to feel defenceless and like I am the villain everytime. Maybe i am being too sensitive abt it, and i should just ignore it, but everytime this happens I feel this way. Right now, it is not quite so bad cos I know this is not going to last forever, i will eventually move out of this place.
I know I am stronger now, that I CAN get through this and I WILL. If i keep telling myself that

Ive realised some things

a) Im not assertive enough, with my housemates I feel threatened and dominated by them. I know i should not... But i do. No-one ever shows any mercy or cuts any slack for anyone. I feel like a pony with my ears stick back.. huddled in a corner away from the herd

OKAY CAROLYN STOP IT NOW

STOP WHINING AND COMPLAINING it doesn't solve anything

LET IT GO

Ok
got it
out of my system... jus had to vent

It is out now

b)