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Born in Sg, survived seven years of IJ, escaped to canada for the miraculous rebirth.. likes to say she found self there, But well when can we reach self actualization? now a waterloo student. 110% horse mad, was practically born on the back of a horse ( or rather wishes she was) horses are my favourite thing.

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You can keep me out of your mind that's alright.

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Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The late night post

It's been half a week of scrambling to fucking find some housing for fall term. I realise my tstandards have been lowered i don't care as much as i used to. Yes i would love to life close to campus but at this point that doesn't seem like a possibility.

Darn must-apply-only in groups policies.. damn NOT just putting down a deposit on WCRI.. I just did things with the advise from people and it just ends up biting me in the arse.

What i am/ was worried over

1. Housing
2. Quiz for tmr... im probably not going to do great anyway no matter how much i study ( i hear u saying don't think like that!! but hey im jus preparing myself )
3. The wish and WANT to excel and get GOOD GRADES, lets face it im no A student, not by a longshot
4. Figuring out what i really want out of a career ade
5. Gosh i wish i had more friends, I really wish i had a great bestfriend i could talk to and depend on HERE in waterloo ( i know i have you andy.....)
6. How i kind of lost a CORE group of friends.... i know i lost them a long time ago, with things slowly disintergrating before my eyes and me not really wanting to care or do anything abt it ( but then again they didn't either)

I wish i was more social, a better student, dammit the bottom line is i just fucking want people to like me. I know i cant get everyone to do that.
I;ve had to handle rough shit from people 4 times in my lifer
a) ten yrs old, one teacher wacks me in private for being a slow learner in music class, another calls me names for being terrible in math class ( this is NOT the 60s this is iin 200o!)
b) 16 yrs old- Another strange falling out with a grp of people, but then i nevth er really felt alal that connected, i was soo kwai at that time
c) 18 yrs old- manipulative and emotionally abusive ex bf ( i say it now in hindsight) though he i WAS the 1st guy i ever fell in with. I was honestly not the same person after. I did things that were totally out of character, never AGAIN (i hope)
d) 20 yrs old- I made a bunch of amazing friends in residence, i finally felt i belonged somewhereo, i FIT IN. I felt so loved. Move out off campus with them, things changed. We never talked things fell apart, its lying in a dusty unopened cabinet now a pandora's box of conversations that never happened.

Ok, im stopping now, this is too sad.... Its just i recently opened up to other ppl about this and i feel i need to express it in written word... somewhat



ive had rough times throughout my at