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Born in Sg, survived seven years of IJ, escaped to canada for the miraculous rebirth.. likes to say she found self there, But well when can we reach self actualization? now a waterloo student. 110% horse mad, was practically born on the back of a horse ( or rather wishes she was) horses are my favourite thing.

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You can keep me out of your mind that's alright.

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I will never be the same if we ever met again, then say you're sorry if we did

Procrastination again

Fucking mid terms, going crazy, what the fuck do i do with my life???
when faced with the question " where will you be 10 yrs from now?" where will you be???

I want to say I DON'T KNOW!!! How can i predict such a thing? now don't call non-ambitious, don't say I have no path or direction in my life. Cos i do, I know where Im headed, but hell five years ago I thought I was never going to make to uni, i was nearly sixteen years old.... worrying about what i freak i Was, stressing about boys, school, exams, O levels, watching my friends in my year do O levels. Actually some of the same shit i was worrying about now, schoolwork ( yeah uni is tough)
Being a complete disaster at things, is a mental framework I have had for a very long time. I know I should try to get rid of it, but good gawd it just goes round and round in my head doesn't stop.

Ive kind of learned now I am not a disaster, i am good at things. I just need to discover them. Ok, back to what I should be doing...
when i was 17 i wanted to go into the hospitality industry, I don't anymore

- Two things now
a) I can't be a psychologist without a bloody phD, and i don't feel like i need/ want one
b) Don't even know if i can get to grad school with my kind of marks
c) I WILL NOT GRADUATE WITH AN HONOURS DEGREE
d) I WILL OONLY GRADUATE WITH A BACHELORS
e) DOes it make me less of a person?

Yet part of me still feels like I want to help people. Yet i don't have the marks for it, yeah it is easy to say " work harder" i know I should. I know i should not be lazy and just push through.
Help people. so generic so common.

Its either become a therapist or go in Human Resources, to eventually become an HR Manager. Is that where i will be in 10 yrs? you can answer that.
I know you say... " u need direction" u need guidance, you need to plan If you don't you will fail.
all true.
thats what im thinking, i can't do anything, these things just on and on. I can't rest them.
Gawd, no one ever said it was going to be easy. Im not the damn best. Although I try my best not to be klutz, I live 2000 miles from where i was born, i have lost my core group of uw friends, made more, had 2 bfs, need to figure out what i really want out of this damn life, yet i want to keep my options open.
I want to be sure, have no more black and white, i want it all and i want it now. - and i will be late for class