Teeth Sinking into Heart

So maybe this should be a back-to-school post.... but, I feel compelled to write about something else.
I was reading a note written by an ex catechism classmate who is studying in melbourne pondering the fact that she may never permanantly return to Singapore.
I realise her note echoed many sentimemts that I do feel and have felt over time, and have not quite articulated in written form, I may have spoken about it briefly but..

Here it goe
Besides the obvious reasons of my immigration status there are other factors involved.

1. Horses- My all-consuming #1 passion, I know I can only truly and probably make this dream come true here. SIngapore is no place to really have a horse, I want my horse/s to have wide open spaces to run around, gorgeous hills ( Like Carole's bdf farm) Dont tell me to go to Malaysia. Plus it's more affordable here

2. Morals/ Values - Ok, wasnt sure how to title it.... You could say it's a result of my exposure to the so-called "westernised mindset" Westernised? what westernised? I am still in a mini-battle in my head over this one But I think I am firmly on one side at this point. It has to do with everything Ive learned here all the education/ courses I have taken. University is all about exposure and I have had all these windows thrown open to me and all these view points.
Well, not just that, I guess its the ppl I have been around, the friends I have made that have changed and molded me, and the experiences I have had that have made me a different, evolving, ever-changing person.

Especially the so-called "taboo" issues. Things like improper sex education in ( well I wasn't even really taught abt contraception) It's SO sex negative. Which is the opposite of what Ive learned here ( thanks SMF) Other issues such as GLBT, last term I was involved in a project, where the use of a simple word "non-heterosexual" really touched base and I can honestly say I because of that experience I can't tolerate it when someone goes on a tirade about how wrong " homosexuality is" PLEASE. I could go on all day, but i will stop here. Why is gay sex in SIngapore still illegal? Being gay is not wrong or diesease, I just feel sad for the young ppl who are taught that what they are feeling makes them scum or criminals by authority or friends.
Is me being sex-positive and a glbt suppporter too westernised? I don't think so

3.It's changed
SO Ive said how Ive changed and grown, living away from home etc. But yes the SIngapore I have once known, is just really this place that I visit only 1x or twice a year now. It is quite sad really thinking about it, but the stark truth is, IT IS THAT. In my absence it has evolved, I didn't expect it to stay dormant no. But it's become so radically different. SIngapore reminds me of a little girl who is trying too hard to impress someone, getting all fancied at dolled up to look like a " big girl" with all the fancy IRs, more skyscrapers, more malls, huge international events, ( dont get me started on the 30 YOG horses) WHen all I want to say is just STOP trying so hard to be everything!! you don't have anything to prove, you are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are. I mean even when i do get my canadian citizenship, I will always call myself a singaporean.Because that is what seventeen years of living there did to me( ok enough cheesiness)
The changes and new developments are great and all, but one ha to wonder, is this all a little too far?

4. The few things that might be keep me there are family and friends. If my family came over here, that would be wonderful. tbut I dont think it's possible. I have my friends but then again there is always the wonders of the internet, plus I have friends who are in other countries too.

The truth? I guess its called growing up, growing apart, ever-changing.
I remember in primary school when some classmates and I were forced to write some Lame NDP poem strangely i still recall a few lines

SIngapore is our homeland
We treasure it like gold
cos if we abandon it
It will surely go
something tells me, this homeland is getting on fine without me.

Oddly enough, I wonder if the Oh Canada will ever grab me the way the Majulah Singapurah does

5:02 PM ·