This time change our hearts

Ok, so maybe this comes a high from going to ash wednesday mass/ lentern season ( i mean the chapel is on campus DUH i have no excuse right?) But I just felt compelled to write this... moved by the holy spirit? maybe? Im not like one of those uber christians who go around praising god everywhere and to everyone.

But here we go..

Hi God,

Ive never been so public about this, but I feel like Im taking a risk by doing it and being so personal. First off, I love and will always have faith in you, I can't imagine a life without you, without you I would lost a huge chunk of who I am, everything I grew up with. I know some people don't understand what it's like to have faith in an entity that's not visible, is highly personal, and may be a social and mental construct? Yet, to be brutally honest and this I am sure I am not completely alone here, I have wondered about your existence? hell why am I worshipping something I cant see? isn't it the same as just talking to a wall ? how can I be sure if anyone is listening to me? isn't my belief in you something in my head? is praying just like wishing ? ( ok technically that part was from a psych of religion class) Won't it be sooo much easier to live a secular life? not have to follow all the rules? and not live according to mandated guidlines? it would be easy....
I meant I admit I have issues with some of the church's viewpoints, but at the end of the day is having my certain differing opinions going to be make a " bad" catholic/ christian? and that I should give up on God at all? I can;t do that, deep down I can never ever ever leave the catholic church. Who is to judge whether Im a good christian or not? not someone human i know. Ive realised now, I shouldn't just give up and not care so much abt my faith just because of differing opinions. I mean, i believe you could still be gay and christian ( oh no! oxymoron much?) Christianity is not perfect, and neither are we. Ive learned in University to think for myself, and I was opened to so many opinions and views, so different then what I was used to. I love being this open-minded about things. I know Ive changed a lot, but I don't ever want to lose my faith, though I know Im not the best or perfect example of a catholic, I don't go to church that often anymore, or confession or say the rosary much, or pray as much as I should, read the bible as often as I should. But what I want to do, and know I am capable of is to love, to not judge, to live a life god wants us to live. To be peaceful and grateful for what I have in my life, and to always try to remember my worth, cos God loves me.

I won't be overzealous and force religion on others,( i get annoyed sometimes when mormons approach me) they have their own beliefs for a reason, and it's up to the individual to chose. I know Im no fricken angel at all, am so imeperfect in so many ways, but hey I do try. Every single day.

Thanks for listening

3:05 PM ·