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Tuesday, June 24, 2014
How stepping outside the Catholic Tradition allowed me to rediscover God
This had never really happened to me before.. I was tearing up... in church. How was I suddenly so emotionally moved to cry? now this isn't all out bawling out loudly, but more of a quiet shedding of tears. I felt something stir in me. It was like I could somehow just easily allow myself to surrender to the moment. " when the music fades.... all is stripped away.... and I simply come...." I let the words of the familiar hymn pour over me. Of course I knew the words, it brought me back to a time when I was a teenager in convent school in Singapore, we sang these songs all the time.
I don't know why, but oncle I began to sing, I felt like I could just be, allow myself to somehow to reconnect. It was like there was now this direct line, I didn't have to go through anything or anyone. I hadn't felt this way for a while. It is not like I hadn't found peace like this in then catholic church. I have, on many occasion. However, I realized, going to church every week with family can at times become a bit of on an obligation, you do it out of a sense of duty. However, being able to reconnect with god once again on a more personal level and made it all the more meaningful. I wasn't doing it to make people happy or out of duty, but because I wanted to, because I DESIRED god, I desired that connection and that faith. I suddenly felt like I could trust in him again. I had thought from time to time, well we live in such secular world, people get around ok, people are ok without religion.... To trust in God, it just suddenly seemed so abstract. But now I felt, yes, now I CAN trust in him, just let go and just trust freely. To lift up all that I was carrying around with me to him and just I never expected to feel something like this here. Here in a Christian church. One without a cross at the front of the church or priests or altar boys in traditional garb. It somehow felt authentic, genuine, easier to connect emotionally. Now, don't get me wrong here, I am not about to abandon Catholicism, was just another way of rediscovering Christ. If anything it made me more curious about the catholic faith. |